Trump Authors Sealed Indictment on William Barr

In a display of confidence that he will soon overturn the 2020 presidential election and return to power, Donald J. Trump, and Jeffrey Rosen, who served as acting AG in the final days of Trump’s presidency, has authored a sealed indictment charging former Attorney General William Barr with High Crimes and Misdemeanors against America and its citizenry, according to a source in Trump’s orbit.

The indictment, our source said, details several specific charges. They include, but are not limited to, defrauding the American people, treason, conspiring with the enemy, sedition, displaying cowardice before the enemy, conspiring with the enemy, bribery, and money laundering.

Trump’s first inkling that Bill Barr switched teams occurred on 1 December when the former AG publicly disputed Trump’s proven claims of election fraud. Despite vast evidence of Democratic criminality, Barr declared the US Justice Dept. uncovered no evidence of widespread voter fraud, adding that Trump’s attempt to subvert election results violated the US Constitution and weakened democracy.

Barr’s comments had drawn immediate criticism from Trump’s base, as until that day he was considered among Trump’s most steadfast allies.

“Trump talked about two possibilities: either Barr was a Trojan Horse the whole time, or the Deep State got good enough dirt on him to make him turn against Trump. Trump considered writing a sealed indictment right then and there, but he’s a patient man, and he and his people spent months digging deep into Barr’s past. What they found shocked the crap out of Trump.”

Trump’s people had somehow surreptitiously obtained damning financial records showing that Barr’s wife, Christine, had inexplicably received sudden payments that exceeded their joint net worth. Just three days before Barr denounced Trump on national television, Christine Barr formed an LLC called “Conservative Truth Initiative,” and opened checking accounts at ten banks under that name. On 2 December, one day after Barr excoriated Trump, Conservative Truth Initiative received a $7,000,000 payment spread among its myriad accounts. Hours later, the monies were withdrawn, and the accounts closed.

“Trump discovered that a Chinese-American businessman, Jianhong Hao, funded those accounts. But Hao doesn’t really exist. There’s no public mention of him anywhere. Somehow, the deposits and withdrawals weren’t noticed by the IRS and DHS, either by oversight or design. Any public mention of Conservative Truth Initiative seems to have been expunged from existence. Although Trump got this info from discrete sources and believes it solid, he knows he can’t act on it publicly without substantive and substantial evidence, and that’s why he and Rosen made the sealed indictment on Monday. Only with Deep State aid could Barr have pulled this off. As soon as Trump gets back in power, he’s going to open the indictment along with all the others, and Barr will pay for his crimes.”

Trump, our source added, had reached out to Barr, offering the former AG a chance to admit guilt and explain his reasons for betraying the democratically elected commander-in chief, but Barr feigned ignorance and denied all knowledge of his alleged crimes.